Mr. Wesley here. I’m hungry and-ooh a pedestrian….RAWRARARARARARAR…RAR! BOWF! BOWF! Oops. Got yelled at by dad again. I just can’t control myself. They get especially mad when I wake up that little hairless puppy from his nap. But I mean, there are people walking right in front of the house! Who else is going to show them what’s what?
You know, I used to be center spotlight in this household. Every one would laugh when I spun in circles and tried to catch my piggy tail, they thought my wrinkles were hilarious, and if I wanted a lap to nap in you can bet I got one. Then one day, mom started to get bigger. Well naturally I didn’t want to say anything; I know how sensitive women can be about their weight but I started losing cuddle space by her belly. You can imagine how miffed I was when mom and dad booted Akemi and me off of the bed completely. We were like, whaaaat!?! Our new home ended up being a crusty old pad in the kitchen, and we couldn’t even get at the food. Granted we were the ones who made it crusty with our normal pug related activity, but still.
Time passed, Mom’s belly got bigger and–hold on Akemi wants to say something:
Carrots. I want carrots. Or apples, do you have any apples? Are we talking about that fleshy thing mom and dad brought home? He tastes delicious. Where’s he at? I want a snack, and he always leaves most of his on his face or even better in his diaper. Sausages? Can I have sausages? Ooh Dad! Drop something! Can I have second dinner? Treats? I’m huuuunnngrrryy! Let me outside so I can scavenge for mushrooms, they were only poisonous twice
Ok, get off Kem. Let me finish. And stop licking me there! You’re my sister! It’s not food!
As I was saying…so one night Mom and Dad take off and the next day they come back with this bundle of stuff that makes a lot of noise. Well the first thing Kem and I think is “ooh, I wonder how it tastes” so we both took a sample lick before Dad could yell at us. Not bad at all, I bet it will be fun to play with. Psshh. Let me tell you we pugs had the wool pulled over our eyes! Tricked. Bamboozled!
Let me try to explain it to you with a comparison, since you humans are a little slow. That squirmy whiny thing they call “Eli” is like his own planet. Whenever mom is walking anywhere and I think she’s going to stop and give me attention (or even look in my direction), she is inexplicably pulled toward the spotlight stealer by a gravitational force greater than the freaking sun. So I guess he’s more like the sun than a planet. See where I’m going with this? Everything revolves around Eli. Whatever. I used to be the sun. Now I’m like, Saturn. I bet you didn’t know that pugs are well versed in planet names.
Well, mom now spends every moment of every day she’s at home firmly focused on the little human who seems to be turning more big human like every day. I’m starting to feel a little out matched! The other day he hit me in my gigantic bottom teeth with this hard thing on his leg. I was just trying to give him kisses!
At least dad gives us some attention. He romps around with us sometimes, and lets us sit on his lap while he makes the TV do stuff. I think he calls it Xbox. I wonder if he sees mom roll her eyes and shake her head whenever he says “Xbox”?
Every once in a while mom lets us romp on her and then snuggle in to her for a nice nap and a head scratch, but it’s a little rare. Usually dad prods her and points at her to remind us. I guess even after the little guy goes to bed he still have some sort of mental gravity grabbing her attention away. Oh well, at least there’s only one of them. They would never have two. They just wouldn’t do that to us!
Hold on, Kemi wants to type again:
Get off Kem!
*sigh* Nobody loves this sad lonely pug.
I’m off to go sulk until dad plays Xbox. They gave me a nickname recently, I’m not sure what it means. Eeyore.
And who is this Dad-oo guy they keep yelling about?