We’re less than one week away from the official second birthday and it’s like some threw the switch. Goodbye good natured, happy-all-the-time toddler. Hello tantrum-at-the-drop-of-the-hat, cry-over-nothing little boy. Can someone please send my sweet little boy back? Please? Pretty please? Come on, I said the magic word.
I don’t even know where to start. Here’s a quick list of the triggers that I’ve noted so far (and this is just in the last few days).
- Changing stinky pants (our pet name for diapers) first thing in the morning instead of just letting him run around with a full nights diaper. Ewwww.
- Not carrying him to the kitchen after I wrestle him to the ground for stinky pants changing.
- Attempting to put his shoes on.
- Having the nerve to put his jacket on.
- Making him leave the house for a playgroup (which he loves going to). He actually screams “I don’t wanna” all the way to the car and for the first 5 minutes of the drive.
- Asking him to eat his lunch.
- Asking him to eat his dinner.
- Requesting that he walk into a store instead of being carried by me. This often results in a breakdown in the parking lot or sidewalk, with others giving me the evil eye as they pass by.
- Changing his diaper at any point during the day. Maybe he’s ready for some serious potty training?
I’m sure there are more, but my brain can’t process all of them at the moment.
I need help.
I’ve gone through my list of ways to avoid tantrum. I’ve bribed (if you eat all of your turkey, you can have a Gogurt for dessert). I’ve threatened (if you don’t want to eat your lunch, then that means it’s nap time). I’ve had pretty good success with both. Although I’m not a fan of bribing. I guess you gotta do whatever works.
But I’m struggling with getting the kiddo dressed and into the car without a mammoth-sized melt down. I’ve tried giving hi a 10 minute and 5 minute warning, so he knows what’s coming next. That just results in two or three times the number of breakdowns. I’ve tried causally getting his shoes and jacket on super early, without mentioning where we are going, with limited success. But now he’s catching on. I’ve tried just cornering him, struggling to get him ready, picking him up like a sack of potatoes and lugging him off to the car. Not a fan, it causes both of us stress and tears for at least one of us.
What do I do? How do I make the transition from home to our next activity easier? I’m at a loss and could really use some wisdom.
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Oh goodness! My son isn’t that far off from 2 either…and can throw a tantrum like nobody’s business!
For me…letting him choose the next activity by giving him a couple options seems to help.
For example–Do you want to wear the green shoes or the red shoes? Do you want to sit on the couch or in the chair to put them on. (A discussion I had early this morning!)
Good luck!
.-= Ally´s last blog ..7 Things I Will Teach My Kids About Politics =-.
@Ally, Great advice. I’ve been doing this for meals, letting him pick from 2 or 3 options, which usually helps. Maybe I’ll start letting him decide to put his shoes or his jacket on first and letting him pick his outfit for the day.
Oh Alli! I remember feeling just like this when my daughter hit two.
It’s such a challenge, but luckily it is evened out by lots o’mama cuddles and cute stuff a lot of the time, but in those moments you just want to scream and tear out your hair.
The above idea of giving choices might work! It’s certainly worth giving a try.
I guess my advice, and I’m usually full of it, is to remember consistency, and never let his tantrums determine what is going to happen.
His emotions are SO big right now, it is understandable that he’s going to have trouble dealing with it when he’s not getting what he wants.
The trick is to consistently show him that EVEN when he throws a fit, he still gets his coat put on, and he still has to do what he has to do. If his tantrums are effective in making you stay home and cancel the things that you planned on doing, then he’ll keep it up because he’s getting what he wants.
Your job (as sucky as it is) is to show him gently that his tantrums don’t change what’s going on.
I know it’s not easy, but I promise that there IS a light at the end of the tunnel.
@LindsayDianne, That’s exactly what I’ve been doing. I just get him dressed, even if that means holding him down. I’m not going to let him run the house, that’s for sure. By the time we are in the car driving, he’s calmed down and excited to be going to the playgroup, Gram’s, etc. I’m glad to know that I’m doing the right things.
I laughed when I read this as I can remember feeling that same way. Petey really can throw tantrums now with the best of them. I agree giving choices is very helpful. And I really pay attention to his hunger level and sleep needs. Then I stay as calm as I can and go into my zen place. We talk about feelings all the time and I have given him ways to express his negative feelings. And when he screams I tell him I feel that way sometimes too. This seems to really surprise him! And finally when I have had enough I listen to a country song where part of it talks about a mom with young crying children etc… and the chorus says “your gonna miss these days” And I remind myself it is not forever and that one day I really will miss it.
@jennifer johnson, I wrote a post about just that a few weeks! I try to keep that in mind, especially during tantrums and when I’m so exhausted that I can barely function. I do need to talk with Eli about emotions more. Maybe giving his feelings a name will help him identify with it. Sleep and hunger is huge too. If Eli is hungry nothing will help but a good, healthy snack.
When I first started babysitting for a couple, the youngest daughter was 4 and would give horrible tantrums whenever she didn’t get her way. I never tolerate tantrums and completely ignored her. If there was something that needed to be done, such as getting ready to go. I would gently but firmly force her to comply with me. Within a month the tantrums were few and far between and by the time I left a year and a half later there were no tantrums whatever. The little girl loved me then and cried when she found out I was moving and would not be her babysitter anymore. Then when I moved back 2 years later the parents immediately asked if I was available, I could still be babysitting for them if I desired as they love the change that has occurred in their daughter because of my influence.
If it was my child that was throwing tantrums I would get out the switch, and use the ignore method.
The reason why they throw tantrums is because they want your attention and they want their way. Giving in to your child will only make it worse. First establish that you are in charge and not the child, children need to know who’s boss. Then once that is established they will respect and love you all the more for it. I am very firm with all the children I watch and yet they all LOVE me. Many of them are very sad when they learn that I can’t babysit them anymore.
I have been babysitting for quite a few years, many cases the parents would let their children dictate the rules. The children would be brats with their parents, but as soon as they learned that I would expect them to behave a certain way they respected and loved me for it.
One mother I used to babysit for would turn her three year old daughters disobedience into a game, trying not to be negative to her daughter. But there was a huge difference between how the little girl acted when she was with me and when she was with her mother. As soon as her mom stepped in the door she transformed from a sweet, willing eager young girl to a whiny yelling disobedient little girl. I was never mean to the little girl, I just let her know that certain behaviors were not acceptable in my home and that she would have her privileges taken away if she did not stay in the boundaries I had set.
Children LOVE boundaries (they just don’t realize it) and when you set them up they are happier and content.
.-= Laura´s last blog ..A Good Listen – Librivox.org =-.
@Laura, Very good advice. That’s exactly what I’m trying to do, set boundaries, not tolerate the behavior, etc. The biggest struggle for me are the tantrums when we are heading out the door. Often I don’t have time to ignore the behavior. I just hold him down, get him ready and go. The tears stop about 5 minutes into the drive. I’ve found that getting him ready slowly, starting about 30 minutes before we have to leave helps. I’ll put his shoes on. Then his jacket a few minutes later. It’s not perfect, but it’s a start.
My girl is The Queen of Drama. I recently read The Happiest Toddler on the Block and found his suggestions really helpful. It’s pretty much about “speaking his language” rather than trying to reason with him. I don’t agree with all of the ideology, but it’s definitely a step in the right direction.
Jessie
.-= Vanderbilt Wife´s last blog ..Losing It: Week 5 =-.
@Vanderbilt Wife, I read the Happiest Baby on the Block and found it really helpful. I should pick up this one too. I agree, some of the ideology is a little off, but the tips are still helpful.
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