Today’s guest blog is by Kristin, who blogs over at Doing The Mom Thing. Kristin has a one year old daughter, and is a working mom with stay-at-home mom dreams.
The first time I came across Allison’s blog, I nearly cried. Not because of her awesome writing or the adorable pictures of her son (both of which are in fact awesome and adorable), but because it gave me hope.
You see, my daughter is about a year younger than Allison’s little guy (actually, I think they have the same birthday), and the first day I found her blog I was at work wishing I wasn’t. On that particular day, instead of doing actual work, I was distracted by my desire to be with my daughter and was Googling something about wanting to be a stay-at-home-mom.
That’s when I read her post announcing that she was leaving her job soon.
It could have been written by me. I could relate to everything she had said. About how something seemed to snap after she had her son and work just didn’t seem as important as it once was. It didn’t give her the satisfaction it once did.
Believe me when I tell you I am there.
It came as a surprise to me at first. I didn’t really anticipate ever being a real SAHM. Work part time for a while, sure, but actually staying home – not something I really envisioned for myself.
But that all changed after I became pregnant and welcomed my daughter into the world.
The only problem is, we’re not really in a place where I can leave my job yet. And it breaks my heart. Like Allison shared about her own experience, I definitely have a hefty case of momma guilt. I hate thinking about what I’m missing while being at work. Of worrying if she’s ok. And while we’re fortunate enough to have wonderful, amazing family who watch my little girl twice a week, and she goes to a great day care the other two days, I can’t help but feel like I’m not doing right by my family.
And I won’t even get into the constant rat race that is life as a working mom. I feel like I’m always rushing to catch up with something — a work assignment, doing laundry, cooking dinner, an early morning meeting – and never quite getting there.
But one day, after reading Allison’s post and living vicariously through her as she transitioned to being a SAHM, I realized it doesn’t have to be like this.
Please don’t take this as a post bashing working moms. I am a working mom. I am the child of a working mom. I have nothing but the utmost respect for any momma who works. Whether it’s by situation or by choice. You have to do what you feel is best for your family.
But you also have to do what’s best for yourself.
For me, staying at home with my daughter is what I believe is best for both myself and my family. And I finally realized that while it’s not in the cards right now, it doesn’t have to be completely out of the question.
Heck, Allison didn’t leave her job until Eli was 18 months. Who’s to say I can’t be doing the same thing by the time my munchkin, who just turned one, is that age?
I had a new ambition and fresh inspiration to try to make that happen.
We started cutting back our spending. I realized what we could do without. My husband, who had already been looking for a new job, increased his efforts and a few months ago, succeeded in getting a new job.
We’ve been making big changes in our lives. And in the short-term, it hasn’t happened yet, but I’m confident that with enough time and effort, it will. And that is enough to get me through the momma guilt.
Even better, I’m enjoying the challenge of it all.
I like the fact that last week I went grocery shopping and came in $25 under budget! Every success like that is a step in the right direction and it gives me encouragement that maybe we can make this thing work after all.
In the meantime, I’m going to do two things: enjoy every second of time that I do get to spend with my little girl, and have fun! I’m not going to allow myself to get hung up on the failures. It’s too easy to get discouraged by what hasn’t worked. Instead I’m going to focus on what might.
So eating hard-boiled eggs for lunch in an effort to save on lunch spending hasn’t panned out (and why on earth did I think it would because we don’t even really like hard-boiled eggs that much – especially the yolks?). Maybe lentil soup and quesadillas will.
And you know what? In the long run, I’m actually kind of glad that I have this time to be a working mom. Not only because I will know what it is like on the other side of the fence, but because it’s allowed me to value even more each and every moment that I do get to spend with my little girl.
Yeah, my house might be a mess right now, our lives could be described as slightly chaotic and it’s possible that a person could get lost in the pile of laundry in our basement, but I took time away from that to play with my daughter today. I hugged her and kissed her, read to her and sang songs. I kiss her cheeks every night before I go to bed, long after she’s fallen asleep, and just listen to her breathe. I appreciate every moment with her because we don’t get to spend them all together. And it will be a great thing to remind myself someday when we do.
When the temper tantrums and the food rejection and the rebellion wear me out and make me feel like I’m losing my mind, I’ll always be able to remind myself that I could be dealing with this and the temper tantrums of bosses and clients too.
When I feel sorry for myself and wish that I could splurge and buy an expensive pair of shoes and hot new outfit, I’ll be able to look at my daughter and know that this time with her is worth more than all of the shoes in the world. More than any outfit and better than any job out there.
Now, I’m certain that being a mom is what I want to do. It’s what I feel like I need to do. And I know I will be able to do it. It might have taken a bit longer than expected, but I’m confident that we’ll be able to make it happen because, well, I am a mom. And we moms, we can do anything we set our minds to.
In the meantime, I’ll continue working towards that goal, and of course living vicariously through the experiences of SAHMs like Allison.
To follow the progress of this momma and read other tales of her triumphs and tribulations with motherhood, check out her blog, Doing the Mom Thing, where she chronicles it all.
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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
I really enjoyed this post.
I can relate in a way because when I was pregnant I had to be on bed rest for a while. We learned to live on just my husband’s income.
I never went back to work full time–It took such an effort to get my son here, I couldn’t imagine someone else getting to do the fun stuff in raising him!
You can do it, girl! I know you can!!
.-= Ally´s last blog ..How to Handle Family Conflict =-.
Great post.
There are days when I think “It would be so much easier to go to work today”
But I love staying at home.
Keep your chin up!
.-= Destri´s last blog ..The Bullet List {Aimée From Simple Bites} =-.
Good luck. I think it is worth the sacrifice. I’m impressed you were willing to question your mind set and try to do what is best for your family.
.-= Charlotte´s last blog ..The Sock Monster and the ONE child it DOESN’T visit =-.
@Ally and @Destri, Thanks! I appreciate the encouragement.
@Charlotte, It has definitely been a journey of self-reflection. But I’m so confident that it will be the right choice for us when it finally happens.
.-= Doing the Mom Thing´s last blog ..Guest What? =-.