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I have a confession. I’m a little embarrassed out it actually. I’m readying Eat, Pray, Love
I love to read books that has been made into a movie. But I never actually see the movie.
I’m weird like that.
I’m about half way through and I’ve enjoyed her, Liz’s, writing style. It’s fun, witty. Maybe just a little self indulgent. As in the only thing this woman talks about is herself and her journey in finding herself. And her depression. Of course her divorce. And let’s not forget her recent love affair. Oh wait, we couldn’t forget, she brings it up all the time.
Anyway, I’m not in love with the book and I don’t have it. Yet. I still have more to read.
But one thing totally hit home with me this week. It was a conversation that Liz has in India with Richard from Texas. She has once again found herself buried in self pity, mourning her past relationships and mistakes. Willing for this period of sadness to end and for happiness to take over. She wants a date, an exact date, when she will finally be able to move on.
This is the moment that Richard declares that Liz has “some serious control issues”. I’ll spare you the conversation that happens next, if you really want to know, read the book. 
But this moment in the book was a light-bulb-on kind of moment in my life too. Because…are you ready for this…I’m a control freak too.
I know, it’s shocking.
I’ve always known this, accepted it, and kind of figured it was really a good thing. Since it kind of goes hand in hand with being stubborn, I’m a pretty productive person. I know what I want to do next, and I get it done. End of story. Although I’m not patient. Obviously, since I want to know when something is going to happen. I need a date, a time and a location. And possibly a mocha, you know, just because.
But reading Eat, Pray, Love
Then I waste hours, days, weeks, months dwelling on the situation. How I couldn’t control the outcome. I couldn’t control the circumstances. How what happened and what I wanted to happen weren’t the same thing.
Like I said, I’m stubborn. And I like to get my way.
BUT…there is a lesson here.
I’ve wasted hours, days, weeks, months on this stuff. It’s eaten away at me. Made me sick emotionally, sometimes physically. It over takes me so completely that I can’t find my way out. I’m lost in my mind.
I’m not present in real life.
I’m stuck in the past. In events that I can’t change.
I’m stuck in the future. In events that probably won’t happen the way I want them to.
I’m trapped in what could have been and what may be and I’m missing the goodness of what is happening right now. I’m missing out on the spontaneity of today. The moments that will never be repeated again.
While this isn’t a ground breaking revelation by any means, people are hit in the head with these thoughts every day, it’s important to me, now, at this point in my life. Because I’m finally realizing that being in control, being a control freak, has it’s down side.
And that maybe, just maybe, if I open up, let life direct me, I may end up in some pretty amazing places. Things I never would have planned for myself. Maybe if I’m just along for the ride, rather than trying direct my way through, I’ll enjoy every day life more. I’ll be more present. More in touch. And even happier.
And that really is the bigger picture, isn’t it?
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Are you a control freak? Or do you just go with the flow?
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{ 27 comments… read them below or add one }
It’s so interesting to me, that you bring this up. I recently had a conversation with Maggie (Dammit)
about that book/movie. She had seen the movie and we both admitted we did not make it through the book and weren’t sure what was bugging us about it. But now, with both of us in recovery, where you do so much work on control issues and resentment issues and….the list goes on forever…we see it. Exactly what you said. That the whole book/movie is so me, me, me, me…and when we live like that, we do get sick, in one way or another. Self-focus is a bit of a poison. I want it this way, I wanted that and didn’t get it, I want this next and I won’t be happy if I don’t get it….and on and on we go. We could waste our entire lives like that. (I’m not pointing fingers at Liz, a woman I don’t know–the book was about self discovery and that’s all fine and good, but…it seemed to carry over into a self indulgence that gets frustrating to observe, I guess)
Good thoughts here, lady. It feels good to have these epiphanies, no?
To answer your question, it’s probably obvious, but yes, I’ve struggled with control. But when I met the end of myself, as in “Hi, I’m powerless here,” it was really freeing and continues to be, but I have to set it aside every.single.day…or I get really unhappy. Again.
I’ll stop writing a book in the comment section now.
I’m really working on letting things go, and you are right, it is freeing. When I find myself circling my list of things to do over and over, feeling frustrated and overwhelmed by life, I just set it aside. I get done what I can, and let the rest go for another time. Everything will get done, assuming that is really does need to be done. No point in stressing over it. Living life in the moment is a much happier place to be. Although I can already see that it is going to take a LOT of work.
Stop by and leave a book in the comments section any time.
Wow…I felt as if I was reading about myself in your description for a minute. I don’t always think of myself as a control freak, but then I read something like your post and I realize that I definitely have it in me. I’m just quieter about trying to take control. I don’t want anyone to *know* that I am trying to take control because I don’t want to be that pushy person. So, if things don’t go the way I want them to, my frustration tends to be directed inward. Oh, and that is terribly stressful.
Letting go, opening up – they are good to do, hard to do, but so worth it in the end.
Yes, I do that too, Internalize my frustration. But it’s damaging. I physically feel it when I do this. Tense, stressed, and so run down that I eventually get sick. Not a happy way to live.
But letting go and living in the moment is oh so hard. I’m hoping that it gets easier every day.
totally guilty on this one – control freak extreme! However, since having 3 children, I have eased up – I just have too – or I am one miserable mess!
Great post! I haven’t read the book, nor have I seen the movie . Like what you are taking away from it though.
I am a bit of a control freak myself, but a while back forced myself to let go of the past and make myself live in the moment. Life is too exhausting otherwise.
So very true. We can’t change the past, we can only learn from it. And hopefully not make the same mistakes.
I could have written those same words. Probably should, too. I’m definitely a control freak.
Aren’t moms always a bit of control freaks? I have found that the more I release my own agenda and let things flow, the better I feel. When I relax and enjoy the present moment without obsessing over the past or the future, I find myself breathing more deeply and laughing more joyously.
I have mixed emotions about EPL, but I did enjoy it and learn from eat. Eating, praying and loving can be very powerful actions that can bring us much insight and happiness!
Okay, I should have edited myself better. I learned from it, not learn from eat. Although I have learned from eating and cooking, that’s another mom thing, no?
So very true. I’m taking away a lot from the book {so far}, but not all of it sits well with me. But I guess that goes for anything like this. You use what you can, and leave the rest up too, “Well, it’s nice that works for her”.
I’m a huge control freak. A closeted one as most don’t really know (who am I kidding… they probably know…)
So I get this. So very much. Good for you for acknowledging and putting it out there!
That’s curse of being a control freak, we think we hide it, but really it’s probably super obvious to everyone else. They just don’t say anything for fear of our wrath.
Fabulous post. I read the first part and decided based on what you say about Liz that I would never read this book. But then I got to the part where you talk about being a control freak, bearing grudges and more and it was as if I was reading about myself. It is exactly how I am and knowing it does not make it easy to change. So, I shall get this book if you think it helps gain a new perspective on this. Especially as I see the same tendencies in my three year old daughter, which has made me appreciate that this is the way I am, nature not nurture. But that doesn’t mean you can’t do things to help alleviate the need to control etc. and wanting to do so is half the battle.
I think it’s worth a read. You probably won’t agree with all of it, but I think there’s a little something for everyone. But, just a warning, the more you read, the more self-indulgent she sounds. It gets annoying quickly. But still, I’m sticking it out to the end.
I’m not a control freak I want to know the who what where and why of my kids but I want them to be able to make a decision and be productive person.
Sounds like you found the perfect balance for you and your family.
Hi, Alli! I have acually watched Eat, Pray & Love – the movie. It was funny ‘coz everytime I felt like crying, I would discretely reach for a tissue from my bag. (LOL)
Reading it is a nice experience, too; ’cause you get to choose your most comfortable chair while at home sweet home.
I think I’m a little bit of a control freak, too. I can say that because of the funny face that my hubby gives me.
LOL, I love that your hubby gives you a funny face when you are being controlling!
“I’m stuck in the future. In events that probably won’t happen the way I want them to.”
That one gets me all the time, too. Those damn ruminations! Though I did find that once I could identify the areas of my life where I felt the most need for control I could work on them directly.
And I do.
Sometimes.
When I say so.
Focusing, that’s key isn’t it? Otherwise it’s just a never ending thought process about everything. No focused goals. Nothing to strive for. Nothing to push you to the next adventure in life.
I need that push.
I’m glad that you feel able to move on…it will do you much good!
It’s such a weight off my shoulders!
Alli-such an awesome post!! “stuck in the past & stuck in the future” … thanks for sharing your heart!!
Thanks Mandi! I’m glad you stopped by.
I used to be a control freak until life happened and some bad situations that I could not control. And the more I tried to control it, the more miserable I was. I just had to let go and take care of myself and trust. And when you trust and let go life really is a lot more enjoyable.
Trusting and letting go, that’s the hardest part isn’t it? But you are right, it’s so freeing.