One of the things I intend to instill in my son starting now, and as he grows older, is that people are people no matter what.
Skin color, hair color, eye color, clothes, car. You know the list. These things don’t matter. They don’t make a person who they are. And so it’s not right to judge them by it.
You should always give a person the benefit of the doubt. Give them a second chance to make a first impression.
And all that jazz.
Except…
Have you ever met someone for the first time, and just it felt off, like something just isn’t right, but you can’t exactly put your finger on it?
Have you ever felt shivers run up and down your spine, only to turn around and find a stranger looking at you in an odd, not-so-pleasant way?
Have you ever walked by someone on the street and felt something, deep down, that just gave you the chills?
Yea, me too. And I’ve learned to trust that feeling. That instinct. That intuition.
Call if whatever you will, but it’s a signal that something isn’t right. Maybe the person is a danger to you. Maybe they are eying up your purse. Scouting out your car. Surveying your house.
Or maybe they are a threat to your child.
I guess that what I’m trying to say is that as I teach the kiddo about respecting others, about not judging based on how they look, I’m going to throw in a but.
And it’s a big one.
Respect others, don’t judge based on appearance alone, BUT…
If anyone ever gives you a bad feeling, remove yourself from the situation. Don’t make a scene {unless there is immediate danger}. Don’t judge harshly. But listen to your gut. Trust it. And follow it.
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Have you ever been in a situation where you just didn’t feel right? Something inside of you was sounding warning bells, and you didn’t even know why? How did you handle it?
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{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
I think not judging others by how they look is completely compatible with trusting your gut about a person having bad intentions since outside appearance is such an unreliable measure.
And I agree that ‘respecting’ adults doesn’t mean doing whatever they say. We talk about that already with my son and have since he was a toddler.
Good point Alex. Respect doesn’t equal blindly following an adult. We have to encourage common sense and rule for safety.
You know, I hadn’t thought of this … but I’m glad wrote about it. Because I think I’ve been so busy trying to instill a sense of respect and compassion in my oldest, that I’ve neglected the whole gut feeling thing. And I really, really want him to trust his gut. We have those feelings for a really good reason — to keep us safe. Great thoughts; so glad you shared them.
I think it’s something that is overlooked most of the time. It’s hard to teach it, since it’s such an internal reaction. But we can help encourage our kids to listen for those feelings.
Absolutely. There’s a complete difference between keeping an open mind and gut-level intuition. It’s when we ignore that “off” feeling that we wander into dangerous territory. It’s definitely a lesson to impart to our kids.
Exactly! Unfortunately it’s a lesson most people learn the hard way. But hopefully talking to our kids about it will help them listen to that feeling.
Yes, intuition is a great thing! Our guts know things….and there is almost always a real reason that it turns us.
I couldn’t agree more. I think that sometimes we don’t even know the reason for our reaction, but it may just be better that way.
Teaching children to trust their instincts is important. As is teaching them to love other people and show them consideration and kindness. The two shouldn’t be incompatible (you can teach them to leave a situation or not develop some friendships without being rude or unkind or hoping bad things for other people).
Good point Charlotte. We need to teach them the best, and kindest, ways to deal with situations that make them uncomfortable too.
No judging going on here… but paying attention to our surroundings and the people in them… like the creepy scary dude at the park walking around but not WALKING like the rest of the people on the hiking path. Or noting the utility van down the street from the kid’s bus stop the first day, then the same van at the opposite side of the bus stop the next day and then seeing it again on the next block over… just down from that bus stop the next day… things like that the kids need to see AND SO DO THE ADULTS! That one got a call to the police AND the school. Turns out that van was scoping out bus stops for schools all over the county… and it was indeed a convicted pedophile driving it… and watching my kids play and laugh at the bus stop.
So no, no judging… unless it’s that guy in the van- then I feel no problem judging him as a creepy scary not-fit-to-be -around- humans kind of guy.
oh- forgot- coming at ya from SITS… and just like Arnold…. I’ll Be BACK!
WOW, that’s so creepy! Good for you for following your instinct.
Glad you stopped, I look forward to seeing you around here again!
Yes…I just do my best to keep myself away from the person who gives me the heebie geebies!!
Totally believe in trusting your gut. I have a very long story about it , but it was about trusting your gut. I never really thought about giving my kids that advice, though. Good to think about.
I also think that sometimes we over react when our child says something about a child because they have a different skin color, or hair texture, or look to their face. I think most of the time children are just curious and want to know more about why people are different. Sometimes children will say they don’t like someone who has different skin color not because they are exhibiting some sort of prejudice, but because they are truly uneasy about something different. My two oldest spent the first 4 and 2 years of their lives in NC where they were exposed to a wide variety of ethnicities early on and have always been totally okay with everyone. I miss that my little one did not get that.
Very interesting Post! Especially if it made me think on Friday night!
That is a very good point. Sometimes by making a big deal out of how kid’s comment on differences draws more attention to the differences than it otherwise would. Kids are naturally curious and wonder why other kids/adults look different than they do. I think it’s our job to talk about the differences in appearance, but also discuss that we are all the same underneath it all.
It’s a fine balance, but an important one. I appreciated this piece. It’s so hard to think of all things that you need to teach your children and this is critical. So I’m thankful for the reminder.
Don’t you just wish there was a check list of everything we needed to teach them? Or maybe not, the thought of it makes my head hurt.
Judge not according to ones appearance, but the actions by that person. Instead of teaching your children to be on the look out for strangers, teach your children to be aware of certain situations or actions. The person with the messy appearance may actually be someone safe compared to the pediophile who is a crossing guard.
Such an important lesson to teach! We just talked about this last week in my moms group, talking about sexual predators with a children’s advocacy group. It’s scary, but they really stress listening to your inner voices in times of danger or worry. You’re usually NOT worried over nothing, after all.
I don’t do very well at following my gut, I think mostly because I kind of stubbornly expect the best of people. Call me sheltered, call me naieve, call me optimistic…I just don’t see bad things easily. But deep down, I have to believe that my instincts would kick in in situations that are dangerous long enough for me to say…hmm…this person isn’t having a very good day — I’ll back away slowly
But how to teach this to kids?! Tough. Vital.