With all of the work I’ve been doing for Blogger Body Calendar, researching articles to tweet and share on Facebook, I’ve taken a closer look at myself too.
But not in the way you are thinking.
I’m listening closer to how I think about myself. Mostly my appearance, but other aspects too.
Some days I’m not very nice to myself. And that needs to stop.
I was recently shown an article by Single Dad Laughing titled The disease called “Perfection”. It’s all about our need to appear perfect to those around us, while deep inside we’re covering our true feelings, fears and struggles.
It’s destructive. Don’t believe me? Go over and read the article, he gives some heartbreaking examples. Real life examples. Examples that just may make you cry.
So what’s the answer? How do we break out of the endless cycle of searching for perfection? Be real. Be honest. Share your fears and doubts. Your mistakes and dreams. Show your weaknesses.
Doesn’t sound very easy does it? Letting other people in like that. Opening yourself up for judgment by others. But I think that we’ll find people are accepting of our flaws. May even embrace them. Possibly bring us closer to those we love, and open the door for new relationships we never dreamed of.
I’m as real as I can be on my blog, but I don’t share everything. Because really, who wants to wake up each morning to 15 new posts from me? I’m not a high-maintenance, needy kind of blogger. At least I hope I’m not.
But there are things that I haven’t shared, but want to. So here’s a list, because who doesn’t like a good list, of me being real.
- I hate talking to people that I don’t know. In person. On the phone. In the grocery store. I forget how to talk or how to make complete sentences. Or how to breath.
- Some days I wish we didn’t have dogs, because they are just one more creature that needs something from me.
- Being a stay-at-home mom has introduced me to a breed of loneliness that I never experienced before.
- Over the past year I’ve found more joy and much more hardship in life than I have at any other point in my life. Being a stay-at-home mom is rough, yo.
- I torture myself over past mistakes. Especially the ones that I can’t correct. Or the ones that I can’t explain away. And the ones that I’ve lost friends over.
- I keep score. Mainly between Dad-oo and I. Who does more around the house. Who does more with the kiddo. Guess who always has the highest score? {But guess who brings home the bacon. I guess it’s even after all.}
- As a child, I once smacked a girl that I didn’t know, because I thought she was my sister. She wasn’t. I felt terrible about that for days. Still do.
- I’m stubborn. Oh so stubborn. And I can’t let things go, even when it ends up hurting me in the long run.
- Cleaning up after others sometimes makes my blood boil. Socks in the living room {that aren’t mine}. Toys in the couch cushions {also not mine}. Dirty stove from a meal {that I didn’t make or eat}.
- When I’m feeling down, I look at others lives and notice how perfect they are, which makes me feel worse. Or I notice how perfect they aren’t, which makes me feel better.
Now it’s your turn. Come clean. Tell me something really, truly honestly, imperfectly you.
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{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }
Hmmm, really imperfect, huh? Where do I start? There is so much!
I have no patience with slow thinkers… my kids included.
I am sometimes secretly grateful not to have my stepsons around because then their mom isn’t around either…this is FAR outweighed by how much I miss them…
I can’t bring myself to drive a minivan again – no matter how practical.
I think Disney is the UNhappiest place on earth.
I play devil’s advocate even when I agree with the person sometimes…why? makes no sense.
I am lazy.
I procrastinate.
I really, really hate to match socks.
I could do this all night! I’ll stop torturing you now!
Match socks? What???? You’re actually supposed to do that? It seems like such a waste of time.
Oh the loneliness was the hardest when I became a SAHM. Sometimes I wonder if I’ve become more introverted naturally or as a defense mechanism.
I know what you mean. Not meeting and talking to as many people in the day has kind of turned me more shy I think. Some days I don’t even like talking the people checking out my groceries.
Socks in the living room make me nuts too! Try not to keep track of who does what. You are a team and it might not feel like it but you are ALL WINNERS because you make up a FAMILY! Nobody is perfect and looks ARE TOTALLY skin deep!!
We ARE all winners! I do my best not to keep score, although when I’m really tired or crabby it’s really hard not to.
You’re #1 is totally me, all the way. I try to hide it, but when I start stuttering, it’s all over.
Sometimes I get frustrated with my husband for needing me, but if he didn’t, I’d be frustrated with that too.
I often get angry at myself for being insecure, and not doing anything about it except being angry. It’s a cycle.
I find it hard to be honest myself, but I appreciate it so much in others.
I love listening and sympathizing with people, but sometimes I really wish they would dump on someone else for a change, or just ask, “So how was YOUR day?”
Thanks for sharing Allison. I love reading your blog
I tend to stumble over my words too, when I talk to strangers. The worst is when I’m not expecting to talk to them, and all of a sudden they want my life history.
I relate to so many of these, Allison, and actually decided to start accepting certain areas of my life without feeling guilty. Like #1, for instance. That one is huge for me. Especially now since my kids are getting older and I have to pull out of my comfort zone in social situations for their sake. So THEY can have playdates, or THEY can play sports, etc. Sometimes, I just don’t want to talk to other people, or go to functions where small talk is King. I’d prefer to sit back and watch. Or stay at home. And I make sure there are times when I do.
When I first became a SAHM I really pushed outside of my comfort zone. I didn’t know any SAHMs so I had to go to playgroups and events by myself {with my son of course}. Thankfully now I have some friends that we spend most of our days with. I don’t have to go out and strike up conversations when all I want to do is glaze over.
So very many items on your list hit the mark. All of them, in fact. Well, I don’t have a dog but I do resent Harryboy the cat on a regular basis.
Staying home is lonely business. And this is coming from a person who *likes* to be alone!
Awesome. I keep score, too.
And one time, my friend Erin spent the night and I totally punched her for snoring – and then pretended like I’d done it in my sleep!
That’s hilarious! I need to try that on my snoring hubby. Oh wait, I already do!
This is an article. Really and true you are so right! And I can relate to many on your list. Many MANY!! And a lot of guilt associated with all of them. In fact. I might be inspired to do one of my own my own blog. Maybe even Monday morning. Thank you my friend. I think this is a very health exercise.
Thanks for linking back to me Christine! I’m honored that I could inspire a post for you.
wow, allison, you are very honest and transparent in this post. i completely relate to your #3 about loneliness experienced by stay at home moms (a partial reason why i started blogging).
for my personal list, i would add that i am prideful and need to work on saying “i’m sorry” better to my significant other.
I know what you mean. Why is it that saying sorry to our significant others can be so hard? Harder than apologizing to anyone else?
I’ve been struggling with #8 a lot lately. I’m stubborn and I can’t just forgive and forget. Forgive maybe, but forget? Never. I know I’m only hurting myself, but how do you just let stuff go? I feel like if I let things go all the time I’m just letting people walk all over me. If you find the magic solution to this let me know =)
Time. That’s the only way to let things go. I don’t think you’ll ever forget. But letting go of the hurt and angry feelings and learning from the experience is key to moving past it. That’s what I think anyway.
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