This post is a little out of the ordinary for me, so bare with me. I don’t normally express strong opinions because, well, sometimes I worry about alienating my readers. Or getting a nasty comment. Or losing readers. But today I’m risking it all because I just can’t keep my mouth shut about this.
Tuesday afternoon I was hanging around Twitter, like I usually do, because what else was I going to do during nap time? Clean? Cook? I don’t think so. Anyway, My Bottle’s Up brought to my attention an article that Marie Claire had published on Monday. Slightly eager to read their latest controversial article, I clicked over and was immediately floored.
I was more than floored. I was livid. And I felt that I needed to speak out about it even if I risked ruffling a few feathers.
I almost hate to ask you to pop over and read it, because I don’t want to send more traffic to something so undeserving. Yet, to get the full effect you need to read it. It’s titled Should “Fatties” Get a Room.
Yes I’m serious.
The author, Maura Kelly, spews such hateful, hurtful and prejudicial statements that I’m ashamed to even repeat them. But alas, I will. Here’s one of her particularly hateful paragraphs:
“So anyway, yes, I think I’d be grossed out if I had to watch two characters with rolls and rolls of fat kissing each other … because I’d be grossed out if I had to watch them doing anything. To be brutally honest, even in real life, I find it aesthetically displeasing to watch a very, very fat person simply walk across a room — just like I’d find it distressing if I saw a very drunk person stumbling across a bar or a heroine addict slumping in a chair.”
She then goes on to defend her statement and claims that she is not a size-ist jerk, because she has “plump” friends. As if that makes what she wrote acceptable. I beg to differ.
This article actually made me sick to my stomach. How can someone think that it’s okay to think such hateful and vial thoughts, let alone publish an article that will be read by thousands and thousands of people? It’s not okay. It’s wrong.
I admit, I’m not a fan of CBS’ show Mike and Molly. I’ve only seen it once and I honestly can’t remember if I watched the entire episode. But not because it’s about people who are struggling with their weight, and, incidentally, trying to make healthy changes in their lives to lose weight. I applaud the creators of the show for using realistic people, not stick straight, too-thin-to-be-healthy actors with perfect hair, teeth, cleavage, and sculpted abs. I give them a standing O for trying to connect with the real world.
Trying, but failing. The show is written horribly, makes every cliché fat joke known to man, and can be down right insulting.
I choose not to watch the show because I don’t find the writing funny or entertaining. I don’t care about the size of the actors. I don’t care if they are overweight {not, in fact, obese as Maura claims}. I don’t care if they make out. I don’t care if they are black or white or purple. Gay or straight. At the end of the day, when my mind has had more than enough of real life I just want to be entertained in a semi-intelligent fashion.
And finally, this statement sent me over the top:
“But … I think obesity is something that most people have a ton of control over. It’s something they can change, if only they put their minds to it.”
Yes, weight is something that you can control. But telling an obese person to just not be obese, or that they could just lose weight if they put their mind to it is just like telling a woman with bulimia to not vomit after her meals. It’s not that easy. Eating disorders of any kind, whether it be the desire to be too thin or emotional over eating, are not just about the food. It’s about so much more, and taking that first step to a healthy lifestyle {gaining or losing weight} can be one of the hardest steps to take. It’s an emotional journey, not just a journey of the scale. A journey that the author herself should understand, as she is a recovering anorexic.
So, Miss Maura, you can defend yourself all you want, claim that you are not a size-ist and even offer a forced apology. Your writing speaks for itself. You are a hateful person.
If you took this same article and swapped out obese for African Americans or lesbians, there is no way in hell that it would have been published. And yet, Maura and her editor thought that this article deserved to be written and read. Just because the article is about obese people does not make it acceptable to write such hateful things. Shame on you.
Now if you will excuse me, I need to get my ruffled feathers in order again and get on with my evening, stuffing caramel candy corn into my mouth, watching TV and not caring about how much the actors weigh.
Did you read the article? What did you think?
I’m linking my post with the Blogger Body Calendar. Stop by to read what others think about this absurd article.
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{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
Good for you for writing about it! I worry about the same thing with my blog and avoid anything potentially controversial.
That said, I read this article this morning and again when it was getting a lot of attention on Twitter because the first time I didn’t realize it was Marie Claire. It disgusts me and I am still baffled that it was even cleared to be published! I am still having difficulty articulating how abhorrent this is. Hateful.
Do you think they did it for the publicity? I just can’t imagine anyone really thinking that it was a good idea to publish it.
Oh my goodness. Disgusting. I can’t believe that was published! Wow. That statement that “obesity is something most people have a ton of control over,” particularly ticks me off, because yes, we can all make healthy choices, but does she have any idea how hard that is when a person has gone for oh, 30+ years living a different lifestyle? Why do you think they have shows like “the Biggest Looser”? Anyone who’s seen that knows it’s incredibly difficult to loose it and keep it off. So insensitive!
Unfortunately, she isn’t alone. I’ve known other people who felt exactly the same way…and interestingly were also struggling with anorexia.
I imagine that some of her statements come out of fear, just like most prejudices. She’s afraid of getting fat so she looks down up and is disgusted by anyone who is over weight. That in no way justifies her writing, though.
Goodness, what I mean thing to say. I wouldn’t click the link.
I’m not going to read the article. It would just make me mad. And sad. I am very overweight (many charts would say obese, but I just can’t say that), and yes, it IS within my control. That doesn’t make me disgusting or ugly or weak or bad. It just makes me human. Ugh. I can’t even really think about this article. But I’m glad you are speaking up.
Exactly! We all have our flaws, whether it’s our weight, gossip, being over sensitive, etc. But that doesn’t make us terrible or disgusting people. We’re all just imperfect people, trying to do the best that we can.
So glad you are posting on it, that is horrible! I cannot understand why it would get published either.
Wow. I am TOTALLY surprised that was allowed to be published. I didn’t read the article either. But just the excerpts you put in your post were horrid! And you’re completely right: if the people she had been referring to had been gay, anorexic people or some other minority group she probably would have been fired! In this PC age I’m shocked this was allowed to go through.
Here’s my two cents and it may differ from yours. I believe in freedom of speech. I believe that people have the right to write stuff that completely offends me. However, I think everyone should be given that right. These days that’s just not true. Some things are totally ok (like bashing conservative Christians) but writing about how you disagree with with the mosque being built on Ground Zero is not. This article completely would offend my sensibilities but Ms Maura and Marie Claire have the right to print it. And keep on writing stuff like that! And they may see a drop in sales after this article and it will hit them in the pocket. Then they may think twice before printing stuff like that again. What I want is to see the same and equal tolerance given to all bloggers and writers on what they believe, no matter how “offensive” to some. Marie Claire may get flooded with nasty mail about it. I hope they do. But I’d also like to see the same outrage given to an article that makes fun of Christians and calls them “haters”. Or to an article that says that if you disagree with our current president you’re a “racist”. But, you won’t see a public outrage about those kinds of things very often.
I’ve found that the people who want tolerance the most are the ones least willing to be tolerant themselves.
Anyway, sorry to carry on like this. I hope I got my point across ok. Good job!
Wow, you had a lot on your chest! I do agree that views expressed on so many things are often lop sided. Too many opinions on one side and not enough on the other. That’s why it’s so important for people to look outside of articles, TV and radio ads, etc. It’s up to us to weed through the junk and find fair and balanced information. If such a thing actually exists.
How ironic that this comes up. Just Monday night I was watching TV with Mark and I told him I did not want to watch Mike and Molly as there were too many fat jokes. I don’t understand why when there are characters on TV that are overweight they have to make endless jokes about it. I have always found it disgusting.
I read the article today and if you did not read it again there is a big disclaimer now from the author saying she is sorry. I only could skim it but she did say the article may have been driven by her anorexic thinking. Which, for that, I give her credit. But, sadly, many won’t see her disclaimer and her words will cause so much hurt. Yes there is freedom of the press so she has the “right” to print that but with rights come responsibility. The pain and hurt of others from her degrading remarks, are then, her responsibility. And hopefully the drop in sales of the magazine.
I do think that it is true that being overweight is the last real accepted form of prejudice. Everyone and his brother it seems wants to talk about how unhealthy it is yet some people who are overweight are actually in better shape then a thin person. Everyone wants to talk about how it is a drain to the insurance system due to medical illnesses but yet many of those same people might be smoking or abusing alcohol or plain just not taking care of themselves.
And being overweight is not always under someone’s control. Genetics to play a roll. I know of people who eat and eat and never gain. I know people who eat just a bit and do gain. I know of people who are suffering from medical conditions, on medications, or very depressed that cause weight gain. And I also know that bad unhealthy food is WAY cheaper than fresh fruit and vegetables in some areas and people have to eat what they can afford. So no, it is not just always “under your control”. Yeesh.
I will admit that I am a bit sensitive to this issue having dealt with my own weight all my life. The negative feedback can be everywhere that you are less then you should be if you have some extra weight. It can be as subtle or blatant. I applaud the fact that you are bringing this out into the light more. I also applaud the fact you really promote positive body image no matter what size or shape a person is. I am really working on that with myself and trying to pass that on to Petey.
Ultimately I do feel sorry for the author, sounds like she has a lot of body issue/food demons of her own and I don’t want that for anyone. But to make herself feel better at the expense of others–shame on her.
And in the meantime, no matter who you are tall, short, thin, overweight, whatever, look into the mirror and remember how beautiful you really are.
Oh Jen, I’m smiling as I’m reading your response. I love that can find sympathy for the author. I did see her apology, but the cynic in me says that it was forced, damage control and insincere. Knowing that she suffered from anorexia does give some insight to her life, and kind of makes me think “oh, so that’s where this is coming from.” But still…like you said, to it’s not right to make herself feel better at the expense of others.
I was totally shocked the MC allowed the post to go live, and that the editor didn’t seem more upset about it. i agree, if it has been any other race/sex, it would have been pulled immediately.
AND on top of the national publicity over teen bullying, it was pretty sad that the author said “I didn’t mean for anyone to feel bullied” when confronted about her post. I wonder what the author’s ‘plump’ friends feel like right about now? Like they better stay on a diet, or she’s gonna dump them? And no, I don’t buy that she like to be controversial. It was mean, pure and simple.
WHAT a message to send to all the young girls who read the magazine and blog. SAD very sad.
I sorta have to go with Sharon Osborne, due to MC’s lack of apparent concern over the post, I will no longer read the magazine. Thanks for bringing the issue to your readers as well!
Good for you to boycotting the magazine! I imagine there are tons of other women doing the same thing.
I’m not a regular reader of the magazine or the blog. But, needless to say, I will not be visiting the site again.
Wow, I can’t believe that was published!
Yes. Exactly. And SO well written.
I spent the better part of today reading through the comments on both the original article and the first of the counter-point articles. First of all, I was a little taken aback at the vitriol Ms. Kelly received (well, sorta, but not really … like begets like). I was saddened, really, that people felt it necessary to respond to her with physical insults of their own. That’s not proving a point, it’s weakening a case.
But I also noticed how many “overweight” people came forth saying they do things like run marathons and bike and hike – very often. And I think that’s the BIGGEST issue with society. We’ve let the media tell us there’s a single size for healthiness. And that’s just. not. true.
I know from excruciatingly lengthy personal experience that nothing (seriously …. nothing) I do will ever get me into a pair of jeans that are less than a 12. Nothing. My body is not made for that.
Even when I’ve tried to lose the weight “healthily” (exercising 2 hours a day and eating “right” according to the government), I’m just … bigger than the average person.
So I get to this point here: Which is better? Being society-defined “healthy” and unhappy? Or being happy and active?
Because the former gets me into my size 12s, but the latter makes me wake up with a smile and bring joy to those around me during the day.
If we’d all just stop focusing SO much on this physical nonsense and start thinking about our own peace, authenticity, and happiness, all this would fix itself. I sincerely believe that.
So, after however many hours of reading through the articles and comments, I’m going to stop. I’m going to stop and write in my journal, and then I’m going to love on my baby kitten and kiss my Fiance goodnight. Because those things? Those deserve my time and attention – not Maura Kelly.
Grr.
Oh! Yeah! You know the things you said at the beginning here? About not wanting to give Marie Claire more publicity? I’m SO glad you said that, because I was thinking about writing my own response to this – until you brought that to light. (Yet again, more time for my kitten now. Hehe.)
So thank you! All very, very, very well said.
Thanks Leslie! I’m so glad that you stopped by. I do agree that Maura was attacked in very vicious way, and I don’t think that is right. You can express your opinion without being cruel, you know?
WOW! Thank you for standing up for what you believe, it makes me sick to think the magazine would actually publish somthing so vile.
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