I’m frustrated that my body isn’t doing what should come naturally.
I’m frustrated that I can’t control it.
I’m frustrated that I can’t let it go.
I’m frustrated that I feel betrayed by my own body, even though I try to love it.
I’m frustrated that I’m struggling with infertility when everyone around me is pregnant.
I’m frustrated that everyone keeps asking when we will have another child.
I’m frustrated that I can’t just explode and tell them to mind their own business.
I’m frustrated that I only respond with “maybe some day soon.”
I’m frustrated that I want to vent on people who innocently ask me a common question.
I’m frustrated that I let these things effect every aspect of my life.
I’m frustrated by a doctor who didn’t tell me that I need to come in for blood work at a specific day each month.
I’m frustrated that I found this out two days too late.
I’m frustrated that this may mean we have to wait an entire month for another chance.
I’m frustrated that a month, two weeks or even a few days seems like a lifetime.
I’m frustrated that all I do is count the days with equal parts hope and dread.
I’m frustrated that Dad-oo travels without schedule, so we can’t plan for when we need him home.
I’m frustrated that while I’m ready for a larger family, someone or something out there disagrees.
I’m frustrated that I have few people to talk to about this, because most don’t understand.
I’m frustrated that I can’t seem to ask God to take this stress that I don’t know how to deal with.
I’m frustrated…
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{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
Sending good thoughts your way. It is such a tough thing to deal with, and it never seems like anyone else understands. I’m so sorry. {hugs}
Thank you Staci! Everyone’s comments have made me feel better.
((((hugs))))
I’m sorry.
Thanks Amber.
When people ask about when we’re having kids or what’s taking so long, I have to bite my tongue and quietly count to ten. Hang in there and I will say a prayer for you today.
Thanks Emily. I know that people asking about having more kids is just natural curiosity, but sometimes people can be way too pushy.
I feel like I could have written this post myself. I have POF..which is premature ovarian failure which means that I dont ovulate or I might (if I am lucky) ovulate once a year. They found this out because my FSH level was high. I am 36 now but found out when i was 33 when we were trying to start a family. I want to tell people to go “F” themselves and mind their own business when they ask me and my husband when we are going to have kids. I feel like they look at me and think “what is wrong with you two…why dont you have any kids?”. Or even worse, I absolutely HATE when people say “oh you dont understand because you dont have kids” or “you guys are so lucky that you dont have kids to deal with”. Really…tell me how I am lucky? And yes, I hear these things ALL the time. They dont mean to be rude…but they are. I am sure these comments would stop if I was just honest to people when they ask. But I dont want their sympathy comments like “oh but you can adopt. There are alot of children that need a family” or my favorite “you can have one of my eggs”. Gee thanks..that solves all my problems. It is hard for me to be happy for everyone else who gets pregnant so easily. I want to be happy for them but I just can’t. So…you are not alone out there. I completely understand and it sucks!
Someone actually offered you her eggs? That’s kind of weird.
I know what you mean, how it would be easier if we could just tell everyone about it. But it’s such a personal thing, you know? Not something that you want to tell the checkout lady at the grocery store.
I have a friend who is struggling with infertility and it’s amazing how many people just thoughtlessly toss out that question, as if children are something we just decide to have and BAM! down they fall from the sky.
I’m sorry you are feeling so frustrated and so betrayed by your body and so alone. I’m glad you feel like you can share this with us, though. ((you))
Thanks Dana. It was good just to get it off my chest. Makes me feel better. A little.
Unless they have struggled with infertility and the deep soul clenching desire to have a child and be unable to, they just don’t get it and it IS so very frustrating. No one can appreciate what it takes to get through it unless you’ve been there. I am sorry for all you are going through. Praying and sending healing body thoughts and answers. {{Hugs}}
Thank you for the prayers Angelia. I’ll take all of them that I can get.
Sorry to hear it. Positive thoughts your way.
I hope that you know that you can always talk to me…I know it doesn’t help that I am one of the pregnant ones right now, but I do understand what you are going through! Love you and keep holding onto your hope!
I know you do, and I should talk to you about it more. I just don’t want to ever bother you with my crazy chart-over-analyzing mind. Poor Mike has to deal with it, maybe I should call you and give him a break.
Oh Allison, I’m so sorry. I feel your frustration. We have not yet been blessed with another child, I feel the clock is ticking down and it may not happen for us. I just keep reminding myself God’s timing is perfect and try to live in the not yet.
I forgot about “not yet”. Thanks for the reminder.
saying a prayer for you today
Infertility… primary, secondary… doesn’t matter. Infertility is MISERABLE. I’m so sorry you are going through this.
I echo Amy completely. Infertility is miserable. And it’s miserable in a way that some just cannot wrap their heads around … I’m sorry I don’t have the right words. But I will be praying, and I wish I could give you a hug.
nothing more than hugs, honey.
Such a brave post, Allison. It’s great that you are putting this out there so that you can get some support. And by the comments, it looks like you are well loved. Sending lots of good thoughts your way.