In just over a month {a month and one day to be exact} I’m going to be 32.
Cringe.
I somehow thought that at this point in my life I’d be a confident woman. Confident in my career. Confident in my family. Confident in my marriage. Confident and comfortable in my own skin.
And yet…I’m not.
To this day I second guess each and every thing that I do. Every decision, no matter how large or small, takes days if not weeks to be decided. I’m plagued with self doubt. What if I’m making the wrong choice? What if the outcome isn’t what I thought it would be? What if…what if…what if…
If someone questions a decision that I made, one that I thought long and hard over, I am suddenly questioning it too. If someone doesn’t agree with my opinion, I’m left wondering if I’m wrong. If someone feels that I wronged them, I’m left feeling guilty and second guessing even when I know that I did nothing wrong. If someone expresses interest in being a friend, I suddenly feel like I have nothing to contribute to the friendship.
I’m going to be freaking 32. It’s about time that I grew up and grew into my skin. It’s about time that I stop second guessing and feeling uncomfortable about who I am. Because who I am is not going to be change. And who I am is pretty awesome.
If I do say so for myself.
I’m burned out from constantly thinking, questioning, researching, feeling uncomfortable.
I’m burned out from feeling like I’m not good enough, like I’m not a good mother, like I’m a perfect good wife.
I’m burned out from feeling like I don’t measure up, from constantly comparing, from feeling inadequate.
I’m burned out from feeling like I don’t have enough friends {or readers} just because someone else has more friends {or readers}.
I’m burned out from feeling like I don’t have anything to contribute, like my opinions don’t matter, like I don’t have something important to say.
I’m ready to be me. To be comfortable in my skin. To be happy that my skin, my life, my circumstances aren’t the same as anyone else. To love those around me for being their unique selves. To love myself for being just as unique.
I’m ready. Anyone else with me?
This post is proudly linked up with Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop.
Did you know that you can save my recipes in your very own recipe box, courtesy of ZipList? Just click on the link above, under "recipes" to get started. Want to learn more? Hop on over to read about this awesome new feature.
{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }
I just turned 40 and it’s amazing how far I’ve come since my early 30s. I’m much more comfortable with who I am and the decisions that I’ve made than I used to be. When I start comparing, I remind myself that I can’t know what’s going on in their lives. Sure, they may seem to have more money or things (or readers), but that may just be an appearance and even if it is true, there are likely to be things in my life that are just as good in a different way. Comparisons just aren’t worth it.
Great post!
So there’s hope for me yet?
I do the same thing when I start to compare. We all have our struggles in life, even when it appears that others have it all put together. It’s a good thing to remember when you are feeling down.
I’m just 3 months shy of my 40th birthday and am just now beginning to feel comfortable in my own skin. To be 32 again, knowing what I know now, would be a huge gift to me! As a woman and as a mama like you, I say embrace the time you have, relish every moment and just be yourself. Don’t burn yourself out on all the little details, you’ll drive yourself nuts, as well as those around you. I think you’re awesome, keep up the good work!
Don’t burn yourself out on the details. That’s exactly what I do. Thank you for pointing that out. I need to remember to look at the big picture when I start to do that.
It`s not an age thing. It`s really not. No matter how young or how old, we all have days when we question ourselves, when we second-guess ourselves. That`s very normal. What`s important is that we know our self-worth. I just turned 40 and I still have days like that. I let myself wallow in it for 1 day (tops!) –if only to get it out my system, –then I kick myself in the butt and get on with life.
Glad to know that I’m not the only one. Although from the other comments 40 seems to be the magic age when you come into your own skin. I’m not planning on waiting until that “magic” age though. I’m working on it right now.
Yes, yes and yes. I’m ready to stop questioning. I’m ready to be happy in my skin.
One day? One day.
Yes, one day. We’re all works in progress aren’t we?
This really hit home for me. I’m 38, and I still questions a lot of my decisions. I’m in it with you! Here’s to loving ourselves and mot letting all that other stuff get to us!
Here, here!
I like you just the way you are:) The only thing I would change is the distance between us!
At least you are not alone in feeling this way…I question everything. Life is too short to always be wondering…unfortunately it’s much easier to say you will stop vs. actually changing how you think.
Thank you Debbie!
It is hard to change, especially since it’s never something that just happens. It’s hard work to change. Boo.
I’m with you all the way. Now if only I could figure out how to do that…
If you figure it out, you’ll let me know, right?
Cheers to feeling good! Sign me up.
Stopping by from Mama Kat’s.
Thanks for stopping by!
It does sound like you are ready!! This birthday will be a wonderful one for you, no doubt. I certainly still go through periods of self doubt but at the end of the day you just have to ask yourself if you are comfortable with the decisions you’ve made…if yes…then so be it. Don’t let anyone sway you
I hope you are right! 32 will be the year for ME!
Hello fellow Sagitarian (right?) I know this all too well. And I’ll be 35 next month. it is good that you can recognize it. I just took over an online toy co. And every time something goes wrong I’m sure I’m going to fail. And what freaks me out the most about that is that then I’ll feel like all I amount to is laundry and dishes. But once I recognized that and remind myself of it while I’m freaking out it doesn’t seem so bad. Because I know it is not true or real.
Good luck and hugs.
Wow, good luck with the toy company! That’s such a huge accomplishment.
… very much with you…
Hang in there.
(and seriously, get Brene Brown’s book “The Gift of Imperfections” – it will rock your world…)
Adding that book to my library wish list. Thanks for the suggestion.
I feel you, Allison. I do.
I believe every new mornig is a chance to start over new and if you can’t wait until morning you can start over right now. It works. I work hard at not caring about what people think about what I’m doing about anything. I’m a pretty good mom. I’m not perfect at it, but I’m pretty good. If someone thinks I suck I just don’t care. I don’t suck. People i love tell me I don’t suck and they don’t lie so I believe them.
I’m good at being a wife. I’m not perfect at that either, but Big Daddy’s not a liar so if he says I’m good at it, I must be.
Try to allow yourself to believe the things the people you love are telling you. It’s worth the struggle to do it.
Thank you Jamie, for your kind words. I love the idea of starting over every day, or in the middle of the day for that matter.
{ 1 trackback }