There are a million things I could whine and complain about when Hubs travels. He’s often gone for 4-5 days, if not longer at a stretch. I’m the sole parent, the only one responsible for keeping the dogs {barely} alive and entirely in charge of keeping the house in a semi-livable state.
Not to mention that I have to take out the garbage. Me, with my bulging pregnant belly, lugging two large trash cans out to the curb every week. It’s a sight.
But that’s not the worst of it. Not by far.
I suck, totally, completely and utterly suck, at the bed time routine.
Hubs usually takes control at bed time. There is much giggling, some explosive belly laughs and few, if any, disagreements or power struggles. Toys are picked up at a leisurely pace, and only a few are left behind. A bed time book is enjoyed, complete with funny voices and conversations. Lights-out play and rough housing commences. This all goes down before I even enter the room.
Then it’s my turn. Lights are turned down low, play time is over. Snuggle time begins. These few minutes are when I shine. I lower my overly pregnant self into the kiddo’s toddler bed, cover my legs with his blankets. We talk about our day, the favorite parts and the events that we need to discuss again, to make sure the lessons of the day sink in. We exchange hugs and kisses, often Elmo has to sneak in a kiss too. We snuggle and listen to each other breath, then say our good-nights right before I struggle to lift my belly out of his bed.
It takes roughly 30 minutes, start to finish. If it’s bath night you can easily tack on 30 more minutes of fun.
When Hubs is gone, bed time is all mine. I’m tired. The kiddo is tired. We’ve probably had a rough day, as seems to always be the case when Hubs is traveling. In short, we’re both ready for bed, tired of each others company. I want to rush through, the kiddo wants to go at his normal toddler-pace. We clash. We butt heads. We bicker.
Bed time with me takes about 10 minutes. There’s very little fun in it. There’s lots of threatening and counting to three. Often the privilege of reading a book, even snuggling, is taken away because of poor listening. When we do snuggle, it’s cut short because I can’t wait to get out of there. To the couch and TV and just a few minutes out of my day that aren’t being demanded by a tiny voice, or email, or blogging, or…or…or.
In short, I suck at bed time.
I wish I could enjoy it. I wish that I could set aside my exhaustion and savor the moments. Because I know that these moments will be gone before I blink. I know.
I fear that this will be one of my biggest regrets, years down the road. Looking back on these years will be slightly tinged with sadness, because I didn’t take the time to absorb it all. I know.
But I can’t. This is just one thing that I can’t enjoy. This is one area of parenting where I’m not the best. This is one thing that I have to let go and just accept.
I’m not perfect. I can’t do it all. And so bed time is best left to the expert in house. And when it’s my time to take over, even if it’s only for a few days at a time, both the kiddo and I will suffer because of it. That’s just the way it is.
Are there moments in parenting that you know you should enjoy but just can’t? Do you have a spouse or loved one who can step in when you have nothing left to give?
{ 30 comments… read them below or add one }
This is me too. It’s the worst when Dave is traveling. I feel for you.
I have the same type of personality you do and although I don’t suck yet at bedtime i feel i might when i get pregnant again. I rush through dinner time right now and I shouldn’t. I don’t know why but I am like okay I finally made it to the table, now let’s eat , clean up and be done for the night. Instead, G wants to sit and S-L-O-W-L-Y eat his entire meal. Sometimes I am already up doing the dishes before he is through. This post has really made me think about that so thank you! No more- I am not going to do it anymore.
Dinner is tough too. It takes my son 45 minutes to eat like 3 bites of his food. Soooo frustrating.
Bedtime wasn’t always so difficult, just over the last 6 months. Being pregnant certainly doesn’t help though.
One moment I can’t seem to enjoy is reading the same book over and over and over. I know I should enjoy it and not look longingly over at my laptop, but it’s tough. There’s definitely a lot of parenting things I suck at, which is good b/c my wife is usually good at those things.
Oh yes, that can get old quickly too. Even if it’s a great book, being able to recite it in your sleep isn’t fun.
Man, this sounds just like our routine at home. Bedtime with daddy is always fun and full of raucous laughter followed by books and cuddles and quiet moments. It’s not often like that with me. But you know what? You get to enjoy so many other parts of your relationship with your son that I don’t think it matters down the road if this isn’t your forte. We can’t be perfect in all aspects of parenting – props to our partners for being good at something we’re not and our kids won’t fault us for it. They’ll just come to us for the things we do excel in, like comforting their pain or making them their favorite foods.
Exactly! Even though I’m trying to enjoy bedtime more, there are so many other areas that I’m best at. That’s good enough for me.
Dude. Me too. The hours between dinner and bedtime are the worst. I’m ready to be DONE and off the clock. Sure, maybe you don’t rock at bedtime, but on the bright side, who does he call for when he’s puking all over the place? Mama!
Or in the wee hours of the morning when he needs a tissue. Yup, I get that one too.
Hi there Allison, you’ve got pretty interesting post there! Been in your shoes before! We had this beautiful Toddler Beds For Boys before, but the kids were growing really fast and they couldn’t just get enough sleep on it because the bed was just not enough. When we decided to buy a new bigger bed, I thought solved it all! But no, it was just the beginning of a long adjusting for all of us. Fortunately, we managed and so will all the other parents who will pass this stage of parenting. Thanks for this great post!
oh, yes. we’ve just adjusted to my hubby’s new job where he no longer travels (but even that scared me initially b/cs i was so used to having him home when he was home) and while the days don’t seem any more joyful or better managed, the nights do. i SO get this. i also have a huge preggo belly right now and the mere thought of settling on the floor (their beds are on the floor) is enough to make me tuck tail and run. i still do most of the nighttime routine, but i don’t always do it w/ grace, that’s for sure!! so just from another mama in the trenches, big old hugs. just love on your child and remember grace.
Just knowing that I’m not the only one is so comforting. Thank you!
Don’t be too hard on yourself. You are making other “mommy” memories with your child and soon “children”. Daddy’s may always be bedtime and that’s okay. Mommies tend to have more “special” times. I know. I have a 24 year old and a 15 year old.
Thank you! Exactly what I needed to hear and what I’m beginning to realize and accept.
I’m not a parent but I know so well the feeling that there are things I might regret but I just need to accept. I’m in the process of making a decision this week that means I will close the door on a lot of things I could have accomplished and will always wish I’d done. But then again, life is about more than these little things. And the big picture in your world sounds pretty good.
Good luck on your decisions. Those moments are always so difficult.
I dislike bathtime. I really detest bathtime. My husband usually handles that.
Mmmm, I’m not a fan of bath time either. The only positive is that it fills in long afternoons when my son can just play in the tub and I can sit back and breath.
I totally stink at the bed time thing! My husband is amazing at it. The kids listen to him, pick up toys, get in bed, all the things that the bed time routine entails, and then, get this, they actually go to sleep. When I do it, they whine and complain, ask a bazillion questions, me losing my temper soon follows, and it takes forever to get them to actually go to sleep. It’s good to know I’m not the only mom in the world who don’t enjoy this daily routine…
Why is that? Do husbands have some magical power that we don’t have???
I hate the bedtime routine. Hate it. I should be doing it right now, but I’m so annoyed and tired that I can’t. I’m hoping my husband walks through the door in the next 10 minutes so he can do it.
Here’s hoping that your husband made it home. I’ve been known to do the same thing.
I totally suck at the bedtime routine. Usually I go downstairs to my office and let my husband handle it while I do homework. If he is gone then I end up letting the kids stay up way too late.
Yea, I usually take care of cleaning up from dinner while he gets the kiddo in bed. I may possibly pop onto to Twitter too.
first of all, i love how you write. i think i’ve told you that before
secondly, i found it very hard to believe you sucked at bedtime when i read this: We talk about our day, the favorite parts and the events that we need to discuss again, to make sure the lessons of the day sink in.
incredible, friend. really. these are the moments your kid will remember. not the sucky ones. guaranteed.
I hate bed and bath. It makes me feel like a bad mom but I hate it. After a full day of togetherness the kids need someone else and I lack the patience they need. Since my first was born that has always been daddy’s job and I am so lucky he doesn’t miss it much because than I am just like you 10 minutes ad done!
I can totally relate. Sometimes bedtime is crazy for me when all I wanna do is relax with a glass of wine after a long hard day! But it’s motherhood, right? Following you now…found you via Mama K. Follow back please at http://www.momma-licious.blogspot.com!
You know what? Good for you for having your child in his own bed! I’m only 2/3rds there; Baby Charleigh still sleeps in my arms! Celebrate your victories!
Visiting from Emily’s.
I suck at bedtime too! Over the years we’ve gotten into the habit of my husband putting children to bed and getting up with the non-nursing ones during the night. Unfortunately when he goes away, this leaves me feeling very uncomfortable and helpless. It’s gotten better and I’m now the chief bedtime person for the oldest child. However, I don’t think bedtime routines won’t be my favourite until my children are old enough that I’m not done by bedtime. *hugs*
You are lucky to have kids stop moaning and enjoy your time with them bed time or not. They will grow up fast these times will only last for a few years then the kids won’t want to know and you will be moaning you miss the bed times. Some people who can’t have kids dream of putting there little one to bed. Knowing they never will as they can’t have kids so think your self lucky. If you can’t Handel simple bed time you should not have kids let alone be having more sorry harsh but true