I’m blessed to have family close by. I’m blessed that this family is so involved in our lives. I’m blessed that when I need help, they are there, offering help before I even know that I need it. And when I’m 9 months pregnant, Hubs is traveling for 2 full weeks, and I have an energetic 3 year old to chase around, I need help.
Last week was the second week that Hubs was traveling for work. It’s also the last time that he will have to travel before the baby gets here. Thank. God.
Unfortunately what was a 5 day trip quickly turned into a 10 day trip. Then, it turned into a 14 day trip. On day 8, when I found out that the trip was going to be extended, I vowed to buckle down and just make it work.
I would hold it together until he returned. I had no other choice.
As I pulled into the garage after an evening of work, the first tears prickled at my eyes. I cleared my throat. Took a cleansing breath. And unbuckled the kiddo from the back seat.
As I prepared and fed the kiddo, hoping that for once he would eat quickly so we could go through the bedtime routine at a reasonable hour, a few tears broke through and spilled down my cheeks. I turned away, recomposed myself, and went on.
The phone rang, and as I picked it up, knowing that it was Hubs calling to check in, the dam broke. Try as I might to stifle the tears and hide it, I couldn’t. I quickly ended the conversation, not wanting to upset the kiddo.
“Momma, do you have tears?”
“Yes kiddo. Yes I do. I’m okay, but sometimes we all have tears.”
That’s about the time that I picked up the phone to call my mother-in-law. A sweet woman who lives 3 hours away but would drop everything to drive up here if I asked. Only I couldn’t ask. Because I don’t want to be a burden.
Earlier in the evening she had called and left me a voice message. She offered to drive up the next morning and to stay through the following evening. Late into the evening. To give me the break I so badly needed. To give me the break that I didn’t even realize how badly I needed. To fuel her need to spend time with her grandson. And to marvel over my ever expanding belly.
I called her back intending to say no. To refuse her gracious offer. Because I didn’t want to be a burden.
Instead, I called and said yes. Please. Please come and stay. Because I need help, and I can’t do it on my own.
And the 36 hours that she was here was wonderful. I nested the crap out of our house. She entertained the kiddo. I made freezer meals and did tiny baby laundry. She mowed the lawn and weed-whacked. I cleaned and she went to the park and played tag. I caught up on some blogging and she weeded.
I was more grateful and thankful for her in my life than I ever have been before.
I do my best to ask for help, but I’m not good at it. I hate to be a burden to others. Even my family. Especially my family. So much so that I will turn down offered help. I will turn down the people in my life who truly want to help me and relieve some of the burden in my life.
Yet, I need to remember that I can’t do it all. I can’t be everything to my family. That’s what family and friends are for. To fill in the blanks that we can’t. To offer more than we can give. To lend a helping hand when we so badly need it. And to recognize when we need more help than we are willing to admit, and stepping in when we aren’t willing to ask for or accept help.
This post is proudly linked up with imperfect prose and Simple Moments.
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Yeah!!! Now you will say yes to my offers of help!! I would love to help!!
Pick your day! Eli would love to have a Petey date without me hanging around.
Oh, Allison, I know EXACTLY what you mean. Especially about being a burden. I say no often because I feel that way. But, like you, I’m growing, getting better at saying yes.
I’m so glad you had a wonderful time of nesting and preparing and enjoying and being blessed by someone who loves you. That is wonderful!!
From all of the wonderful comments, this seems to be a common thing. We don’t want to burden others, so we just take on more and more and more, until we’re forced to give in and accept help. When will we learn that it’s better to take the help from the start? I guess time and age brings that kind of wisdom.
Amen, sister. It’s hard to ask for help. But sometimes? It’s the only choice you’ve got. Be glad you’ve got family close and reach out when you need to! They’re glad to do it. Really.
I watch Dr Phil from time to time and he has a great quote along the lines of “if you love your kids, take care of their mother.” You HAVE to take these breaks. When I had Wee ‘Burb I wanted to do it all myself, but I had an emergency c-section and was having a difficult recovery, and so I just let go. A friend came to stay with me for a few days, my parents were in and out, and my husband took over the best he could (having only ever held two other kids in his whole life before our baby was born).
In an unrelated note, I am always looking for great freezer recipes if you’re willing to share your favorites…you know, in all your spare time
Hey Stephanie,
I actually have some meals stored in the freezer right now, but they are all new recipes. If they hold up well in the freezer and heat well, I’ll be sure to post them.
This is a great post Alli. I’m posting to my Facebook page. Having just gone through the end of pregnancy I really feel for you.
Thank you so much for sharing it Michelle!
I am the same way – I never ask for help and rarely take it when it’s offered. I’m so glad you did though!
You are blessed with a WONDERFUL mother-in-law!
I really, truly am.
ohhh…you remind me of myself!!!! two months ago, when I was 9 months pregnant, my husband went for 2 weeks tour which he couldn’t cancel…and I sooo needed help and it was soo difficult tp ask for one, but once my mom came over- suddenly everything just worked out.
It’s amazing how something so simple, saying yes, can have such a huge impact on our lives.
I always think “I asked for this motherhood thing. I should suck it up and deal with it. No one forced this on me.”
Saying yes can be so hard.
Yup, I’ve thought the same thing. I try to remind myself that I can’t do it all. My son needs some many people in his life to fill in the holes that I can’t provide. It takes a village sort of thing.
Hey Allison!
This was a great post! Even strong women need help every now and then. I’m so glad you were able to turn to your MIL! She gave of her time, you received it, in turn giving back to her the joy of her grandchild and the feeling of being useful and needed.
Mine MIL is the best – would do anything for me.
XoXoXo
Joy @ tomorrow’s memories
I love your perspective. I never even considered that I was giving her something by accepting her help.
I am the same way, but I’m learning, in now being pregnant with baby #2 that I need to let go of my pride and fear of others saying “no,” and just ask for help when I need it. Accepting help is something that I’m also learning to do better. I realize that not everyone in my life can do things exactly the way I do things with my daughter, but that’s okay. Having my daughter grow up with multiple parenting perspectives, I am learning, is a good thing and will only make her better in the long run and me less stressed in the short run!
Exactly! We can’t do it all. Sometimes, others can even do things better than us (even if we don’t want to admit it). It’s so much less stressful to just let things go.
MILs can be such a blessing! I’m glad yours was. Saying yes can be so hard!
Oh, why do so many of us have such a hard time asking for and accepting help? I’m glad you were able to recognize that need and allow the assistance. What a wonderful mother-in-law you have!
Oh, I get this feeling. I so *totally* get this feeling. I’m glad your mother-in-law was there to help you and I’m glad you had the grace to say yes. Beautiful!
wow this is an amazing post! you should get this printed in a book because every woman needs to learn to do this just a little more often. my baby is 8mo old but it feels like it was just yesterday that i was super pregnant, had a 18month old and about to lose my mind. it took everything in me to say yes to some help…and I did, but it was still hard. You should link this to a new meme my friend and i are trying to start called Give Back Thursdays (we are leaving it open for awhile…only 2 people other than us have linked up lol) because not only did you give to your mother-in-law by allowing her to help but she gave to you too!!!!
http://georgiascookiejar.blogspot.com/p/give-back-thursday.html
Love the idea of your meme. Thank you for inviting me!
You know, I begin to wonder if it’s our fiercely independent culture that teaches us we’re a burden if we ask for help. But in more traditional cultures, family duties are all shared. Mothers, aunts, uncles, grandparents, all live together and share the responsibility of child-raising. And it’s a pleasure, and because it’s shared, it’s not too much of a burden for any one person. So I wonder how much of it is because we don’t want to be a burden, and how much of it is shame for needing help, because somehow, either way, we seem to be receiving a message that needing help is weakness and a drain on others around us.
But so very clearly it is not. It seems your mother in law was MORE than happy to help out.
Ok, anyway, so that was a REALLY geeked-out way of saying: I’m glad you reached out for help, and never feel like a burden doing so. And I’m so glad you got a day to recharge your energy!
I think you have a very good point, Jade. It’s not a sign of weakness to need help, it’s a sign of being human. And really, asking for help should be a sign of strength, because we are recognizing when we can’t do it all and reaching out.
Great perspective.
I am so bad at this, so so bad. I have gotten a little better over the last year simply because circumstances have forced me to, but I am still uncomfortable doing it, and asking for help. So Yes, I feel this so much! Thanks for sharing!
This is very sweet, and I can guarantee your MIL was SO stoked to be able to help. I always feel bad because my MIL and I don’t… um… see eye-to-eye? She’s in her 70′s and VERY set in her ways… and the ways she’d like ME to be set in as well. Poor thing haha! I’m just too much of a modern woman, I guess. LOL. But all that said, she is unbelievably helpful when they fly in, always trying to do whatever she can. I need to stop seeing her as a Marie Barone (Everybody Loves Raymond) and start seeing her as the blessing she really is.
Thank you for the perspective shifter!
It’s hard when you see life from very different perspectives. I hope that you are able to enjoy her help when she’s there.
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